just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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