i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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