i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
