Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
