how can u be prego again
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
