dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Randomize
