he puts the penis in happiness.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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