Dignity is for republicans.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
