I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
