didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
