so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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