I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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