do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
