She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
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