i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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