just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
