"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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