Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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