ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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