I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
