i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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