im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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