Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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