I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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