Have you finally orgasmed yet?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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