Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
how drunk are you?
Several
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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