When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
