she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
