My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
