You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
