Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
