i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
