You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
