Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
