bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
