onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
