Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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