We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
