sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
