I will die if light touches me.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
