OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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