I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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