sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
