so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
