its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
