cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
