I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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