Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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