She is in my trunk
love makes seman taste better
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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