i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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