franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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