tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
